It's not often that I stumble across stepmother stories that are not only realistic but actually celebrate a step/mother's contribution to her family, so you can imagine my delight when I read this story about U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and her own Southern Belles-in-Training.
You're likely familiar with Rep. Giffords from the horrific shooting she survived in January, but you maybe were not aware that she is also a childless stepmom. Becoming a step/mom to two teenage girls is not for the faint of heart, so this factoid about Giffords only made me like her more. Colleen Curry of ABC News explored this stepmother/stepdaughter relationship in her recent story about Giffords and her stepdaughters.
The story is heartwarming and deserves a thorough reading, but my favorite part is this mature insight from Giffords' older stepdaughter, Claudia:
"'I took Gabby for granted for so long, and I'm lucky I got a second chance to build a relationship with her,' Claudia said. She encouraged her friends to repair relationships with their own parents and stepparents."
-Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords' Shooting Closed Gulf Between Her and Stepdaughters
Most step/mothers, like Giffords, just wanted to be an accepted and cherished member of their family. I think especially for childless step/mothers there is a strong desire to be an important female role model for our stepchildren. Again, this does not mean we want to replace the bio-mom or overstep our boundaries, but we do love our husbands or partners and therefore we willingly invest a lot of time and love in our relationship in his children.
No one wants to feel insignificant or unwelcome, particularly in their own home. Why, then, is it OK for step/mothers to be the marginalized member of the family, and oftentimes despite their reduced status in their home they are still expected to give 110% of themselves to the family? The fact is - it's not OK. Step/mothers deserve much more respect in their families and in society than they are often given. Unfortunately, it took Giffords' stepdaughters almost losing her to understand her value to their lives and their family.
Fortunately, as Claudia said, they have a second chance. I hope stories like Giffords' help put a more empathetic and human face on stepmothering than the Disney tales we have grown accustomed to.
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